Hello, Readers
I’m changing things up a bit here today. I’m going to delve into the struggles of dealing with insecurity and how I am fighting to overcome it day by day.
I’m not writing on this to complain nor am I looking for any amount of praise. I’m being completely vulnerable with you in the hopes of encouraging you and letting you know that you are by no means alone in this struggle.
I’ve dealt with insecurity for a long time and I think it all started when I hit my teenage years. Before then I was pretty much content with the person I was, but once I became a teen everything changed for me.
I began to compare myself to others (I’ll cover this more in a later post). I felt the
need to impress. And like many of us in our teenage years, I wanted to be liked
and understood.
I always thought my insecurity would go away but here I am at 20 years old and I still deal with it. I wish I could say it’s not as extreme as it used to be, but that would be a lie.
What I can say is that I am overcoming it. Slowly but surely, God is helping me overcome the poisonous lies I’ve buried beneath my skin.
Some of them might sound familiar to you:
”I’m not pretty, I look gross. What’s up with this double chin, I’m not even fat! Wait, I have a small gut… And ew, my nose is so
pointy. And I can’t do anything with my hair.”
And of course don’t forget the thoughts on personality…
”I’m boring. No one talks to me, so that must be
why. They probably see what a boring person I am and figure I have no life.
Which is true. I’m just a boring person living a boring, dull life. I don’t
drive or even have a legit job. I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m not doing
anything special, so obviously I’m no one special.”
Once I get stuck on one lie, a whole flood of them follows and before I know it, I’m drowning in poison. A poison that the Enemy injected beneath my skin – that my flesh received and absorbed into my blood.
It’s suffocating. It breeds anxiety and depression and self hate. Yes, I can honestly say that I have thought the words “I hate myself.”
And each time those three words have formed in my mind, I immediately shake them away. I know how toxic it is to think such a thing – about myself or anyone else. I know the damage those three words can cause and I don’t want that for myself.
I want life over death.
I want truth over lies.
Healing from this poison.
But is wanting it really enough?
So many times we tend to want something (particularly a change in our lives), but we are unwilling to fight for it. We end up choosing to dwell on the lies, dwell on the depression, and seek affirmation instead of fighting the lies, meditating on the Word of God, and praying for the strength we need to do so.
With my particular insecurities, I’ve found that most of the time hearing my family or friends say “I love you, you’re beautiful, you’re not stupid, you’re amazing,” just doesn’t seem to help me. Because those lies are still spinning in my head saying – “Thanks, but… I’m not.”
So if hearing the truth from our own loved ones isn’t enough to silence the lies, what is powerful enough to silence them?
Reading God’s Word – When I read verses about God’s love for us, the way He formed us, and any verse that talks about the work He is doing in us, I feel like I’m able to breathe again. And I feel sorrowful because all the time I spend dwelling on the lies, I’m denying God’s truth. I’m denying the love of my Heavenly Father – the same God who died on the cross for me because He loved me. Can you imagine how it must break His heart to hear our thoughts? To see us hating everything about what we look like or who we are when He loves us so much and sees us without blemish?
Prayer – Admitting our struggles to God is so freeing and always leaves me feeling a little more at peace. Whereas when I rant to my mom or anyone else about it, I still feel upset after. Sometimes the talks really do help, but there’s always something lacking because I haven’t surrendered my struggle to my Father. Once I do that, I know He listened, I know He cares, and I know He’s going to help me through it. And knowing that my God is for me gives me strength.
Truth – Each time the lies threaten to overwhelm me, I make myself shake them away and say to myself, “No, that’s not true. I’m (fill in the blank).”
I can’t tell you how freeing it feels to do this. Because the more you combat the lie with truth, the more you start to believe it.
I’m certainly not saying any of this is easy. Or even that it works every time. If it did, I’d be much better off than I am now.
Sometimes I shrug off reading those verses. Sometimes I don’t think praying will help so I don’t even try. And sometimes the lies are so bad that they overpower the truth I try to feed myself.
With that said, I have yet to tell you the key ingredient – willingness.
You can read the Bible, pray, and try to tell yourself the truth all you want, but if you aren’t really willing to let go and overcome, these actions are going to be pointless. You have to truly be willing and ready to change for it to work.
You have to fight and never give up. Because overcoming insecurity is a process – especially if you’ve dealt with it for years.
The road to healing and discovering truth is going to be long and hard. There will be good days and not so good days.
But you know what? The end result will be so worth the journey. You will come out strong, confident, and secure. And you will finally be at peace because you will be free from the poisonous chains on your soul. Just imagine that…
Fight on, my friends. <3
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What lies do you believe about yourself? Do you compare yourself to others? How do you try to overcome insecurity?
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Comments
This was really good to read Jac. Thanks for being vulnerable and posting on something I struggle with myself.
Author
I’m glad to hear that. 🙂 You’re definitely not alone in the struggle!
~Jaclynn~
Lovely post, Jaclynn!
Author
Thank you, Allison! <3
~Jaclynn~
Thank you for posting this. I really hope this will help other people going through the same thing to know they’re not alone, and that their negative thoughts about themselves are lies. God made us all beautiful and He loves us unconditionally. You are so sweet, talented, strong, and compassionate. I know you can fight this, Jaclynn, and overcome it. I’m glad to have you as a friend! ?
Author
Yes, that is definitely my goal with this post! And that’s so true 🙂 Awe, Mya!! Thank you so, so much! You’re a sweet friend, too ?
~Jaclynn~
Amazing Post.
Author
Thank you, AJ! 🙂
Stumbled across you via your other blog (so happy to find a fellow author who collects AG). This is a great post and a great reminder. It’s so easy to hear the lies and discount what anyone else might say, and I love your comment about willingness. We definitely have a part to play in the fight.
Keep on the great writing!